Black and white and all the beautiful shades of gray in-between

I don’t know if you will see this the way that I do, but I think that sometimes the human race tends to think in terms of one way or the other but not both at the same time. Think of it this way, so many times we say, up or down, in or out, happy or sad , hot or cold. Opposites tend to be one or the other and there is usually no room for both to be applicable. But, what if we started thinking differently?

So, what am I getting at?

The word “or” can be seen sometimes as divisive, just like saying “my way or the highway”. Many of you may understand what I mean with that statement. The word “or” typically doesn’t listen to another person’s point of view. It has it’s view and that is final! It’s definitive. The problem that comes with that is that it is not always the right opinion….. it just happens to be the only opinion that some people want to hear, maybe at that time. I’m certainly not saying that the word “or” is a bad word at all. It’s just that the word “or” doesn’t always allow for change.

Now, think about what I am saying this way, instead….

The word “and” on the other hand is more inclusive. It allows for a different opinion to be expressed from different people. We might not always agree with that opinion but we may come to see it as a way of gaining knowledge that we didn’t have before because we had only listened to ourselves. The word “and” values and reveres those differences and sees it as something good. Is this an easy thing to do? No, not at all! It takes a lot of maturity and, I think, also grace, that enables us to listen to another person’s point of view.

We all have a human need to be valued by others for our strength in dealing with difficult issues. The truth can be very hard to hear, especially when we think we are right. Sometimes the hardest phrase to say is, “I’m sorry.” when we are wrong. We should always start teaching our children early on how to say “I’m sorry.” as well because children are so much more open to changing their behavior than we adults are. Of course, the biggest and best way to show them how you handle difficult issues, is by practicing what you preach.

So, what did I learn from this? I am a peaceable person and I don’t like conflicts. I find that it is hard, sometimes, to stand up and express my opinions for all the world to see. However, if we don’t start listening to one another in a respectable way, then I know that it can and will lead to something harsher than we have now. So, we really need to try harder….. and I am trying to do my part as well.

What can you gain from this? As a teacher, we were always told that we have to model, model, model what we wanted our students to learn. The same can apply here. If you want someone to listen to you, then first listen to them. If you want someone to respect you, then show them respect first. Does this always work and will it be easy? No, but it is a start.